I find that the biggest barriers I face in my life are often those that I create myself. Rather than confronting a fear or worry that I have, I let it churn in my brain, during which time I come up with hundreds of possible bad outcomes, my imagined monsters. It seems much easier to contemplate all of the different potential outcomes than to have to deal with the reality that I must face when I actually act. So I allow myself to procrastinate doing something about whatever it is I am concerned about. However, when (and if) I finally get the courage up to do whatever it was that I was worried about doing…the outcome is often not half as bad as I imagined it to be, and I feel so much better because I don’t have to worry about it anymore.
These imagined monsters jump up in many different types of situations, from initiating difficult conversations to planning for the future. For example, when I applied to college, if I remember correctly, I sent in many of my applications the day that they were due. Was it necessary to wait until the very last minute? No, of course not. Did it contribute to my happiness? Nope, I can still picture myself sitting on our green couch, after rechecking that I had correctly uploaded all of the different parts twenty times, staring at the submit button in a state of complete stress. So why did I do it? I was suffering from the imagined monsters of not having a “perfect” application. I had convinced myself that if my application was not perfect, I would not get into the “perfect” college, and that this would have ramifications on my lifelong happiness. Of course my application would never be “perfect” no matter how much time I spent working on it! But, rather than being fully present time with my family during my last holiday season before college, I spent my time and energy chasing perfection, afraid of confronting the reality that perfection is unattainable.
This is not to say that it isn’t important to think things through before we act upon them. Indeed, one of the great things about being human is that we can hypothesize about what will happen in the future, and let these predictions guide our actions in the present. However, when this hypothesizing gets out of hand, we end up inflicting undue stress on ourselves, and wasting precious time that could be used in more productive ways.
So I guess my point is, I am realizing that sometimes I just need to embrace the fact that whatever it is that I need to say or do is not going to be perfect, and so all I can do is give it my best shot. I need to trust that the people around me will assume the best, so that even when the words come out all jumbled up, the original intent shines through. To trust that, more times than not, things work out for the best in the end. At some point we need to face the monster and move on. Because only when we decide to look the monster straight in the eye do we realize that it is only a shadow of our own making.
So when you are cleaning out your drawers and closets this spring, also take the time to reflect on the weight of the worries and imagined monsters that you are carrying around with you. Yes, some of them you might not be able to control, but I bet there are some that you can do something about, if you can just get yourself to stop imagining everything that could go wrong, and act on them. And I challenge you (and me) to do just that.
moonlight on the water 